i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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