The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
