ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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