FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My boob is missing a layer of skin
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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