pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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