I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
