the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
