Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to make a zoo with you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
