oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
