some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
