So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
