Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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