What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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