how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
