So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
