OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
