Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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