You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
