I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You made out with two different species that night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
