You smell like a Billy Joel song
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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