She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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