Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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