I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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