GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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