what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
