but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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