she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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