my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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