PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
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Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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