sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
