I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
