my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
