Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
