So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
