OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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