Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
