My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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