Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
