Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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