It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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