even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
