Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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