Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
