and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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