I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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