thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
