Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
