oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
