I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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