So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize