need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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