i think my tv is drunk
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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