Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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