I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
