True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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