she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
