what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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