Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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