a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
