Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
