My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
