awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So much rum. So many feels.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
