I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
