I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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