This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
