So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
