he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
