Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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