I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize