i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
