i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
