there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Can I color on your dick again?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
