i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He? As in you personified your dick?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
