i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
