Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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