Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Let's paint friendship bongs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
