Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
