i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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