the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
