the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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