There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize