I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
