im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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