Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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