I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
