Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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